ACORN Clean Out of Kool Cigarettes, Dems Now Desperate for Legit Votes
WICK CITY, MN

ACORN has announced it has run out of Kool cigarettes and now may be forced to discontinue the "Cigarettes for Votes" program launched by Obama democrats last summer.

Many multiple-vote casters are enraged and claim the government, more specifically former president George W. Bush, has conspired to stop Kool cigarette shipments from reaching the ACORN offices.

"I'm finished casting votes for them," said Derek Rosevale, a local homeless man who took advantage of the ACORN free cigarettes program. "If I don't get my squares [cigarettes], I quit."

Rosevale told the Peel he cast over 112 votes for Mr. Obama in November in exchange for 112 cigarettes, or a little over five packs. "I vote Democrat!" screamed Rosevale, "..they really care about us little people, unlike Bush and his cronies."

Jonah Leshnay - the Peel