A 44 year old Eagan man sustained serious injuries today when a bowling ball he threw at a 5oth floor window at the IDS Tower deflected off the glass and hit him in the groin area breaking his coccyx.

The unmarried financial adviser, in an attempt to take his own life, Oaks McFee threw a fifteen-pound bowling ball at a top-floor window hoping to clear the way for his suicide jump. To McFee's dismay, the ball instead careened off the glass and, as one shopper stated, "hit 'em right in 'na jewels," causing McFee severe injury.

McFee later learned that another man had lost his life in an accident at the IDS Crystal Court just a few hours after the bowling ball incident, and was unhappy the media attention was now focused on the other man's fatal fall.

McFee was unable to speak and seemed to be most interested in convincing someone to kick the plug out of the wall on his respirator.

McFee runs a web site where he is asking for cash donations. The site also contains in-depth coverage of his own suicide attempt and other articles about how unlucky he is, and how one raw deal after the next was starting to take a toll on his already miserable life.

According to Oaks McFee, he has been a victim of rumors on the internet that he has sex with twisted-up dog-shaped balloons. He claims whenever he types "Oaks McFee" in Google, all search results reference him having sex with ballons and baby oil.



Jonah Leshnay - the Peel

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